Exactly what we're doing

My Dad and Debbie were visiting this weekend and my dad mentioned conversations he had had with other people who either have adopted or know someone who has adopted. I realized that in those conversations, he - and most of our family members - might hear the other people's stories but not know enough about our own process to reply with what we are doing, what agency we're using, why we chose Ethiopia, etcetera.

So this is for all of you, though it's based on an email I sent my dad to give a better picture of what's been going on "behind the scenes" in our adoption. Here are some resources that will help you to communicate with others exactly what your son/daughter/sister/brother/niece/nephew/cousin is doing.

Good links to learn about our experience:

• Our agency's international adoption program: http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/International_Adoption.html
• General Ethiopia adoption information from our agency (with links on left side to more details): http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Ethiopia_Adoptions.html
• The process: http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Ethiopia_Adoption_Process.html
• There is a great video near the bottom of this page (it says multimedia - CHSFS Ethiopia Care Center): http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Ethiopia_s_Children.html
• Photos of what Ethiopian kids look like: http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Family_Photo_Album6.html
• What we’ll be doing when we travel to Ethiopia (there is also a link that explains the benefits of traveling): http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/Escort_Policy.html

Also if you haven’t read There is No Me Without You yet there is a lot of information on Ethiopia’s history in there and on why there are so many orphans there.

If/when people ask why we chose Ethiopia, you can tell them:

• our caseworker recommended it
• at the time we switched from domestic to international, the expected wait for Ethiopian referrals was 6-9 months – one of the shortest compared to other countries which were continuing to increase (but yes, I knew it would really be at least 12. By the time our dossier was accepted, the new estimate was 9-12 months, and now it is 12-18 months).
• the adoption process through Ethiopia is fairly streamlined compared to other countries, and the government supports the ethical adoption of orphans by international parents
• there are 4.5 million orphans in Ethiopia, so it seemed like a place with a great need for adoptive parents
• we’ll have the opportunity to learn about the culture and heritage of a country we knew little about, and we’ll get to travel to Africa as part of the process
• after being in the domestic process for two years and finding that we had a choice between a roller coaster and a racket (or both), we were glad to switch to a process with a more predictable timeline
• Ethiopia is one of the few countries where you don’t have to stay in country for months or make more than one trip
• Ethiopia is one of the few countries where the infant you bring home is still an infant; a lot of other countries will refer an infant, but then by the time you get through all the red tape you are bringing home a 3 or 4 year old
• we were expecting to adopt transracially when we were in the domestic process, so we did not feel a need to choose a country where the child would be more likely to "look like us"
• we wanted to choose a country and program in which infants and young children waiting for adoption are not "warehoused" or neglected
• because Ethiopia has a relatively stable government we do not have to worry as much about the process "rupturing" or going on hold, as it has in China and Guatemala in recent years
• we were impressed by our agency’s care centers, where the children are cared for by nannies and there is a 1:3 child:adult ratio and doctors on staff
• we were impressed by our agency’s interest in not only helping to find homes for children, but also their interest in building infrastructures to make life better for people in Ethiopia; they have built medical schools, nursing schools, elementary schools, and care centers, and they hire and train local people to work as the staff in these establishments.
• although a number of agencies are currently being caught in immoral "harvesting" schemes in Ethiopia, our agency continues to emphasize ethical practices and communicates exactly what it is doing to maintain those practices. Although no agency is perfect, and there is bound to be corruption whenever money is involved in anything, I trust that our agency is trying really hard to avoid corruption. It does not give referrals until each child's background and situation has been researched as thoroughly as possible. According to the agency, only children who do not have any other family to take care of them are referred for adoption.

I hope this information helps everyone understand our experience a little bit better. Please do ask us questions.

Thanks for your support,

Julie

Celebrity Adoptions and Children as Fashion Accessories

When you're adopting from Africa, you pay particularly close attention when people make comments about celebrities adopting, and about kids being nothing more than fashion accessories. If people had any idea what was actually involved in adopting and in choosing which country to go through, they probably wouldn't make such blase comments. One woman who is a member of the CHSFS Ethiopia forum addresses this very eloquently in the following article, which was published in Vogue: http://www.style.com/vogue/feature/2009/06/madonna-and-child/?mbid=rss_feature

Recommended Reading

Kevin and I are aware that, in adopting a child from Ethiopia, we are becoming a transracial family and, by extension, making everyone in our broader network of family members of a transracial family. This article by one of the caseworkers at our agency and might be an interesting read for those of you who are interested in "What It Means to Be a Transracial Family."

Other books I've been reading about raising African American kids in our culture include:
Black Baby, White Hands by Jaiya John
I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla by Marguerite A. Wright

I've also been reading books on Ethiopia so that I'll have a better understanding of our child's culture and be able to relay aspects of Ethiopian culture to him or her. A few are:
Held at a Distance by Rebecca Haile
Woman Between Two Worlds by Joan Olmstead
There is No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene (Kevin is also reading this one and recommends it! Tiru no!*)

*Our Amharic phrase of the day is "Tiru No" - "It's good!"

Woosha!

Today's word is woosha. It means dog. Someone who recently adopted pre-school age kids from Ethiopia commented that she had not yet introduced her children to her dogs, but was bracing herself for quite a scene. In the few days since the children arrived home, everytime her small cat ran through the room the kids went wild, pointing and yelling, "Woosha! Woosha!" So who knows how they'll react to the big, actual DOG. I wish them luck!

Tesfa

Selam!

Today's word will be tesfa. It means "hope," and there are a number of philanthropical organizations withe Tesfa in their names. It is also a first name (for boys, as far as I can tell).

Basic Amharic for Adoptive Families

Tenastilign! Kevin and I are trying to learn some Amharic as we await the referral of our son or daughter. We have been listening to a CD called Simple Amharic for Adoptive Families. I also have a list of words at work and am trying to learn a new phrase each day. If you would like to learn along with me, I'll post some words on our blog, too. Other helpful resources for learning a bit of Amharic:

• http://ethiopianadoptiontravelogue.files.wordpress.com/2007/09/amharic-words.pdf
• http://www.village-ethiopia.net/about_ethiopia.htm#Communicating
• Our First Amharic Words
• http://www.amharickids.com/Toys.aspx (Scroll down to see Amharic Bean Bags)

We'll start ambitiously with three words:
Tenastilign = Hello/How are you?
Emaye = Mom
Abaye = Dad

Welcome to our Blog.

Tenastilign!

Kevin and I decided it would be nice to have a blog where our families and friends can learn along with us about the adoption process and read the latest updates in our experience. In November 2008 for National Adoption Day we presented a service at our church, Harrisonburg Unitarian Universalists. It provides a brief and somewhat organized overview of our experience up to that point. You can read it at the following site:

http://huuweb.org/community-cafe/an-adoption-journey/

Thanks for joining us on this journey.

Julie (Emaye-to-be) and Kevin (Abaye-to-be)